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fortunes

Page history last edited by dm 12 years, 3 months ago

A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?

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A few hours grace before the madness begins again.

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A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.

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A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.

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A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.

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A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.

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A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.

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A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.

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Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

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Accent on helpful side of your nature.  Drain the moat.

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Advancement in position.

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After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

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Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.

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Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.

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All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.

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Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.

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An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.

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An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.

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Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

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Are you a turtle?

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Are you ever going to do the dishes?  Or will you change your major to biology?

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Are you making all this up as you go along?

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Are you sure the back door is locked?

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Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.

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Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.

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Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.

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Avoid reality at all costs.

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Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.

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Be careful!  Is it classified?

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Be careful!  UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!

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Be cautious in your daily affairs.

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Be cheerful while you are alive.

        -- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.

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Be different: conform.

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Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so

get used to it.

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Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.

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Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.

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Best of all is never to have been born.  Second best is to die soon.

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Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your

life in such a mess.

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Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.

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Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.

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Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.

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Beware of Bigfoot!

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Beware of low-flying butterflies.

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Beware the one behind you.

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Blow it out your ear.

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Break into jail and claim police brutality.

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Bridge ahead.  Pay troll.

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Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.

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Caution: Keep out of reach of children.

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Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.

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Change your thoughts and you change your world.

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Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

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Chess tonight.

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Chicken Little only has to be right once.

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Chicken Little was right.

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Cold hands, no gloves.

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Communicate!  It can't make things any worse.

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Courage is your greatest present need.

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Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.

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Do not overtax your powers.

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Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.

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Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.

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Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.

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Do what comes naturally.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.

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Domestic happiness and faithful friends.

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Don't feed the bats tonight.

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Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.

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Don't get to bragging.

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Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.

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Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.

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Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

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Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.

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Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.

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Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.

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Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.

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Don't plan any hasty moves.  You'll be evicted soon anyway.

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Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.

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Don't read everything you believe.

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Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.

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Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.

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Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.

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Don't Worry, Be Happy.

        -- Meher Baba

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Don't worry.  Life's too long.

        -- Vincent Sardi, Jr.

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Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?

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Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?

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Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

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Everything will be just tickety-boo today.

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Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.

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Excellent day to have a rotten day.

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Excellent time to become a missing person.

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Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.

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Exercise caution in your daily affairs.

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Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.

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Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.

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Fine day for friends.

So-so day for you.

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Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.

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Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai

sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, and have a nice day!

        -- Bryce Nesbitt '84

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Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.

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Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.

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Give him an evasive answer.

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Give thought to your reputation.  Consider changing name and moving to

a new town.

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Give your very best today.  Heaven knows it's little enough.

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Go to a movie tonight.  Darkness becomes you.

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Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.

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Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.

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Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses.

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Good day to let down old friends who need help.

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Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.

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Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.

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Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's

new lover.

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Green light in A.M. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.

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Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.

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If you can read this, you're too close.

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If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn

365 useless things.

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If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.

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If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.

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If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!

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If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.

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In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.

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Increased knowledge will help you now.  Have mate's phone bugged.

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Is that really YOU that is reading this?

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Is this really happening?

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It is so very hard to be an

on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you

grown-up.

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It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.

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It was all so different before everything changed.

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It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.

        -- Churchy La Femme

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It's all in the mind, ya know.

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It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.

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Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is

not worth sending.

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Just to have it is enough.

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Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.

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Keep it short for pithy sake.

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Lady Luck brings added income today.  Lady friend takes it away tonight.

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Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.

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Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.

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Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.

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"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."

        -- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

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Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.

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Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.

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Long life is in store for you.

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Look afar and see the end from the beginning.

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Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.

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Make a wish, it might come true.

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Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.

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Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.

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Never commit yourself!  Let someone else commit you.

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Never give an inch!

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Never look up when dragons fly overhead.

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Never reveal your best argument.

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Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't

have a lucky day this year.

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Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.

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People are beginning to notice you.  Try dressing before you leave the house.

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Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.

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Questionable day.

Ask somebody something.

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Reply hazy, ask again later.

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Save energy: be apathetic.

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Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.

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Slow day.  Practice crawling.

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Snow Day -- stay home.

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So this is it.  We're going to die.

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So you're back... about time...

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Someone is speaking well of you.

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Someone is speaking well of you.

How unusual!

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Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.

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Stay away from flying saucers today.

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Stay away from hurricanes for a while.

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Stay the curse.

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That secret you've been guarding, isn't.

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The time is right to make new friends.

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The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.

        -- George Gobel

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There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.

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There is a fly on your nose.

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There was a phone call for you.

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There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.

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Things will be bright in P.M.  A cop will shine a light in your face.

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Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".

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This life is yours.  Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.

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This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.

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Time to be aggressive.  Go after a tattooed Virgo.

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Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.

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Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.

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Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

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Today is the last day of your life so far.

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Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

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Today is what happened to yesterday.

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Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.

        -- Hunter S. Thompson

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Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.

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Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,

it can still be changed today.

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Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.

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Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.

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Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

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Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live

in eucalyptus trees.

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Truth will out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)

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Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.

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Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

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Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.

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Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.

        -- Ashleigh Brilliant

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Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.

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Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.

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Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.

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What happened last night can happen again.

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While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and

are making another attack.

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Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.

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You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.

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You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.

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You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.

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You are always busy.

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You are as I am with You.

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You are capable of planning your future.

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You are confused; but this is your normal state.

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You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.

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You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the

department of transportation.

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You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.

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You are fairminded, just and loving.

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You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.

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You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.

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You are going to have a new love affair.

%

You are magnetic in your bearing.

%

You are not dead yet.  But watch for further reports.

%

You are number 6!  Who is number one?

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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

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You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.  Therefore you

have few friends.

%

You are sick, twisted and perverted.  I like that in a person.

%

You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.

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You are standing on my toes.

%

You are taking yourself far too seriously.

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You are the only person to ever get this message.

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You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading

this sort of trash.

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You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.

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You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior executive.

%

You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt

is concerned.

%

You can rent this space for only $5 a week.

%

You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.

%

You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.

%

You dialed 5483.

%

You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.

%

You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.

%

You enjoy the company of other people.

%

You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.

%

You fill a much-needed gap.

%

You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.

%

You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to

leave it behind.

%

You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.

%

You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.

%

You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.

A pity that it's totally undeserved.

%

You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.

%

You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.

%

You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.

%

You have a truly strong individuality.

%

You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.

%

You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.

%

You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.

%

You have an unusual equipment for success.  Be sure to use it properly.

%

You have an unusual magnetic personality.  Don't walk too close to

metal objects which are not fastened down.

%

You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.

%

You have been selected for a secret mission.

%

You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.

%

You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.

%

You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.

%

You have many friends and very few living enemies.

%

You have no real enemies.

%

You have taken yourself too seriously.

%

You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.

%

You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.

%

You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.

%

You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE

"SOMEONE ELSE."

%

You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.

%

You look like a million dollars.  All green and wrinkled.

%

You look tired.

%

You love peace.

%

You love your home and want it to be beautiful.

%

You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.

%

You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely

larger than others.

%

You may be recognized soon.  Hide.

%

You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!

%

You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will

be sold.

%

You need more time; and you probably always will.

%

You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll be dead.

%

You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.

%

You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.

%

You now have Asian Flu.

%

You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.

%

You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.

%

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

%

You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.

%

You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.

%

You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.

%

You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

%

You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially

if they are dead.

%

You should go home.

%

You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.

%

You teach best what you most need to learn.

%

You too can wear a nose mitten.

%

You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.

%

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

%

You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.

%

You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.

%

You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

%

You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.

%

You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.

%

You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of

a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.

%

You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.

%

You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.

%

You will be awarded some great honor.

%

You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.

%

You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.

%

You will be divorced within a year.

%

You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.

%

You will be held hostage by a radical group.

%

You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.

%

You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.

%

You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.

%

You will be married within a year.

%

You will be misunderstood by everyone.

%

You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.

%

You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.

%

You will be run over by a beer truck.

%

You will be run over by a bus.

%

You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

%

You will be successful in love.

%

You will be surprised by a loud noise.

%

You will be surrounded by luxury.

%

You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.

%

You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.

%

You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.

%

You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.

%

You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.

%

You will become rich and famous unless you don't.

%

You will contract a rare disease.

%

You will engage in a profitable business activity.

%

You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.

%

You will feel hungry again in another hour.

%

You will forget that you ever knew me.

%

You will gain money by a fattening action.

%

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

%

You will gain money by an illegal action.

%

You will gain money by an immoral action.

%

You will get what you deserve.

%

You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.

%

You will have a long and boring life.

%

You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.

%

You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.

%

You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.

%

You will have long and healthy life.

%

You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.

%

You will inherit millions of dollars.

%

You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.

%

You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.

%

You will live to see your grandchildren.

%

You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise

salesman.

%

You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.

%

You will never know hunger.

%

You will not be elected to public office this year.

%

You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.

%

You will outgrow your usefulness.

%

You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.

%

You will pass away very quickly.

%

You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard

this message.

%

You will pioneer the first Martian colony.

%

You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.

%

You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.

%

You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.

%

You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.

%

You will soon forget this.

%

You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.

%

You will step on the night soil of many countries.

%

You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your

brakes are defective.

%

You will triumph over your enemy.

%

You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.

%

You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.

%

You will wish you hadn't.

%

You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.

%

You worry too much about your job.  Stop it.  You are not paid enough to worry.

%

You would if you could but you can't so you won't.

%

You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.

%

You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.

%

You'll be sorry...

%

You'll feel devilish tonight.  Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's

heel.

%

You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.

%

You'll never be the man your mother was!

%

You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,

they're not all recommended.

%

You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier

to do.

%

You're a card which will have to be dealt with.

%

You're almost as happy as you think you are.

%

You're at the end of the road again.

%

You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.

%

You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."

%

You're definitely on their list.  The question to ask next is what list it is.

%

You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that

you're growing into.

%

You're not my type.  For that matter, you're not even my species!!!

%

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.

%

You're working under a slight handicap.  You happen to be human.

%

You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.

%

Your aim is high and to the right.

%

Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.

%

Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.  Don't believe a

thing he tells you.

%

Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't

really worth having.

%

Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.

%

Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

%

Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.

%

Your business will assume vast proportions.

%

Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.

%

Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.

%

Your domestic life may be harmonious.

%

Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

%

Your goose is cooked.

(Your current chick is burned up too!)

%

Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.

%

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

%

Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.

%

Your love life will be happy and harmonious.

%

Your love life will be... interesting.

%

Your lover will never wish to leave you.

%

Your lucky color has faded.

%

Your lucky number has been disconnected.

%

Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.

%

Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.

%

Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.

%

Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be

misinterpreted by somebody.

%

Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.

%

Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.

%

Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.

%

Your present plans will be successful.

%

Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.

%

Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.

%

Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.

%

Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.

%

Your step will soil many countries.

%

Your supervisor is thinking about you.

%

Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.

%

Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.

%

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.

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